IT’S A DOUBLE HEADER AT THE INTERRUPTION TODAY! I bring you two new posts to waste your time this March afternoon. Here is the first.

Every now and then a song comes along that surprises you with the intensity and range of the vocals. The guitars and drums come together to weave a brilliant web of sound that fellates your aural orifice. Whenever you and your friends hear this song, you turn up the volume and rock out. The song reaches it’s climax at an emotional bridge that takes your breath away each time you hear it.

I think I’ve found such a song. And I think you all know which one I’m talking about. Everyone who I have spoken to (except Mark Wilson, you jerk!) agrees with the following statement:

Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson is amazing.

And I can’t get this song out of my head.

Yes, I realize this is pointless but it just has to be done. The unwritten rulebook on code of conduct strictly requires that we formally acknowledge the fact that this site has been hit on over 1000 times. 4-digits baby, doesn’t it just sound so sexy?

Only in this wonderful world of cyber hotness could the three of us ever dream to be hit on so many times by both females and males alike. It is truly flattering.

So for all of our devoted readers, I’m going to give you a virtual high-five for being awesome.

Now suppose there is a scale of awesomeness, ranging from 1-10, on which you can numerically value someone’s awesomeness. Mere mortals can only hope to achieve a 5. The fact that you read this blog automatically places you at least at 6. Of course course, Nana, Tony and Yours Truly float between 8 and 10 depending on the day.

However, you too can increase your awesomeness by helping us hit 5 digits. I was hoping that after a month and a bit of bringing you Pleasant Interruptions we would have had at least 100,000 hit by now but I guess you could say I somewhat overestimated. Once we become blogging celebreties we promise not to forget our roots.

So spread the pleasantness and tell a friend.

Please.

Without further ado, I present to you the breathtaking conclusion to your ultimate train riding guide.

This section is important whether you are the one boarding the train and taking a seat beside another person, or you’re the one already on the train and have just been joined by a newcomer. This title is quite misleading. It does not necessarily specify the first 5 minutes after sitting down. Rather, this deals with the first 5 minutes of open channels. There are many legitimate reasons to delaying the initiation of conversation and they must often be respected. Allow me to give you some examples:

• The person is sleeping. Although, if they were sleeping, you should have avoided this situation right? Depending on their personal depth of sleep, you will either a) be talking to an unconscious human being or b) you may soon become unconscious yourself.
• They are listening to music, clearly denoted by the fact that they are wearing headphones. Engaging in a conversation while the other party is not listening to you will result in other party believing that you are talking to yourself. Although technically you will have accomplished the mission of engaging a conversation, this renders the entire situation irrelevent as you may engage in such personal conversations at any time and place of your choosing. Yes, even a public washroom stall. Granted, that can lead to interesting situations.
• They are talking on a cellphone. Attempting to interject yourself into an ongoing conversation, one that most likely involves people that know each other, is not the greatest plan of attack.
• They are reading a book. It is possible that they are so enraptured by their reading material that they have not yet noticed you sitting beside them. This however is quite unlikely, since you will already have asked if you may sit there. That is, if you’ve been paying attention thus far.

Whoever is engaging in any of the above mentioned activities must stop in order to signal to the other person that they are ready to begin a conversation. Immediately ceasing the activity might make it look like you are on an all out offensive, desperate for conversation, so bide your time.

In any case, the moment the signal is given, that is when the 5 minute window begins. If you miss this window, you will most likely fail the mission.

Now what shall be the first move? Do you inch forward the pawn or bring the knight out? This my friend, is the trickiest part. The “opener” must be individually tailored to each and every situation. As a rule of thumb, any reasonable excuse to talk to the other person will suffice. Here are some suggestions for an opener:

• “Excuse me, do you have the time?” Ah yes, the classic. Asking what time it is. This is a question anyone feels comfortable answering. However, in order to prevent yourself from looking as smooth as sandpaper that’s been coated in glass shards, you may want to make sure you’re not wearing a watch in advance.
• “Excuse me, do you know where we are?” This one is excellent and one of my personal favourites. Thus far I have a perfect record so far using this one. Granted, I’ve only used it once, but 1/1 is nonetheless a perfect record.
• “Hey, how’s it going?” Say it straight up. Just don’t do the “Heyyyy, how yoo doiiiin” thing. I have yet to test this one out myself but I plan on it next chance I get.
• “Excuse me, have you ever read the Pleasant Interruption blog?” You will appear to exude pure awesomeness in its rawest form.

If you were wondering, the following examples of openers would be considered unreasonable:

• “You have something hanging out of your nose.”
• “Are you single?”
• “Hi, I’m single.”
• “Did you just fart?”
• etc, etc.

Now, regardless of which opener you use, the key here is that you keep the conversation alive. You must now unleash a “linker”, to string together a nice combo to kick start the conversation. I would have to say that by far the simplest and most effective linker is to simply say “So where are you off to?” It is not too intrusive, and will give you something to work with. Ideally, they would respond not with just the name of the city but also the reason as to why they are going. You can then follow up with other linkers based on the answer. Even if they aren’t that cooperative, they will most likely at least return the same question. This then gives you the chance to state where and why you are going. Feel free to be creative with linkers, as the possibilities are limitless.

If you keep receiving short responses and you seem to be the only one asking questions, you are most likely looking at a lost cause. Straight “yes” and “no” answers, especially if they were in response to questions that cannot be answered by a yes or no, most likely hint to a dead conversation. This is of course, known as the “ender”. Retreat immediately and pursue other activities to salvage your remaining train riding experience.

However, unless you are sitting beside some total bitch or jerkwad, your desire to have a friendly chat will most likely be reciprocated and from here onward, it’s all smooth sailing.

One important thing I have yet to discuss is names. This is a very simple yet awkward issue to deal with. It is entirely possible to carry on an entire 3 hour conversation without ever knowing the other person’s name but it will be gnawing at you the whole time.

I advise against introducing yourself right at the beginning, as it will make them feel like it’s an interview or at least make them feel uncomfortable. There is a sense of security in anonymity and to reveal names early on will not help the conversation.

However, it is equally difficult to introduce names an hour into the conversation. Therein lies the dilemna. Throwing in “So what’s your name?” out of the blue gets the job done but definitely doesn’t sound right. I propose 2 main solutions:

• “Ha, I just realized I haven’t introduced myself yet! How rude of me! So anyway, I’m Hiro.” Keep in mind that you may or may not wish to replace “Hiro” with your own name. Speaking from experience, there has not been a single time when people have not said something along the lines of “Hero? Wow that’s a coool name!” However, they will most likely not believe you so I advise against trying to live my life. As an alternative, I highly suggest you tell them your name is any of: Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, etc, or more blatantly Superman, Batman, Spiderman, etc. Then after you elicit a little bit of laughter, reassure them that it truly is your name. After a moment of confusion, laugh a bit and tell them the truth. Works like a charm.
• “So Juanita, where did you say you go to school again?” Use a name that is obviously not suited to the other person within any sentence of your choosing. They will most likely correct you or just spend a minute confused. Regardless, laugh it off and admit the truth: “Haha I know your name isn’t Juanita but I never got your name and the conversation got to the point where it woulda been awkward to ask you your name so I just gave you a name instead. So anyway, I’m Hiro. And you are?” They will understand. This will remove a big weight off their shoulders as well and everyone wins.

Here is a quick summary of things you can do to amuse yourself, but most likely only yourself. Proceed at your own risk.

• If approached by someone and asked if you mind them sitting there, simply reply “yes”. They will both be confused and insulted. You’ll never see them again anyway right?
• Sit down beside a person that’s sleeping and wake them up. Then follow up by asking them if they were in fact sleeping, what time it is, if they know where you are, or if they could wake you up when you get to your destination.
• Sit down beside a person that’s sleeping and if they have a book or magazine, go ahead and read it and continue doing so even once the person wakes up.
• If the person next to you is listening to music, talk loudly so they can hear you.
• If the person next to you is reading a book, read over their shoulder and ask them if they are finished the page or ask them if they can go back to the previous page.
• If the person next to you is on a cellphone, ask them if you can talk to their friend.
• If the person next to you asks you “Where are we?” reply “on a train”.
• If you’re in a packed car and a seat opens up beside someone else, pack up your stuff and switch seats. Conversely, if you’re in a near empty car, go sit right beside someone.

Now that you have prepared yourself by reading this guide, I hope you have many Pleasant Interruptions to come in your future travels.

Bon Voyage.

Note: I would like to let you know that today’s interruption is a bit different. It’s rather long. Or so I discovered about halfway through writing it(which is right now). Different you ask? All your bloody posts are long! Well this time, in order to prevent a ludicrously long post and so I also have the luxury of finishing it tomorrow, I’m going to post this in 2 parts. Enjoy.

This past weeekend, I went back home to Belleville(or B dot to the hip Bellevillians or Bellevegas as the Hictonites may affectionately refer to). Now the original reason I went back was because there was a karate tournament on the Sunday in Toronto that I was supposed to go to, but didn’t end up going because I felt lazy. I personally find these provincials a bore and a waste of time, but I have to go if I am to be on the provincial team, so I go. This time, I didn’t need to go so I definitely took advantage. Anyway, onto the main course of today’s interruption.

As usual, I took the [VIA] train home. I really like the train and I personally think it’s the best way to travel . Sure, going on a plane is exciting and I still love the rush during takeoff and the thrills of turbulance but the novelty wears off after the first few times. And yes, you can save 8 bucks by taking the bus but in the end, I think trains win in every other category. Trains have the interior of an airplane, but with more leg-room, nicer scenery(well, except for the first and last 15 minutes of a flight, which are usually stunning) and it doesn’t have the loud roar of the jet engines.

For those that don’t already, I highly recommend that you use the website to buy tickets online. It makes things ridiculously simple, don’t have to worry about tickets being sold out(and even when they are, you can quickly snag cancelled tickets simply by continuously checking for tickets!), and saves you time if you’re never on time getting to the stations.

One thing I really look forward to for train trips is the fact that I get to read a book. I love reading, but I just can’t seem to sit down and read a book nowadays. But on a train, being isolated away from a computer and any other distractions, I can easily escape reality into the pages of a book. This weekend I actually started reading a book a bit outside of my usual preference of Sci-Fi and Fantasy. I got “The Wealthy Barber” for Christmas from my sister, Yoko, and I’ve been meaning to read it but kept putting it off. It is a financial management book but written as a fictional story(you know, with characters talking and doing stuff). I must say, it is an amazing book and I honestly believe you’d(everyone) be a fool not to read it. Anyway, I will talk about the book in detail at a later time as I have a few more chapters to finish.

An equally enjoyable thing I love about train rides, is the mystery of not knowing who your escort will be, accompanying you throughout your journey. Today I would like to share with everyone some observations I’ve made and some strategy I’ve developed, in order to maximize the chances of some pleasant interruptions on a train ride.

The inital entry is key. As you enter the car, you have but a few steps to quickly analyze the seating situation. If the car is more than 1/3 empty, engage a dual-empty seat near the middle. This is crucial for later because nobody will want to venture to the back of the train to sit beside you unless it is the absolute last seat. Interestingly, the same applies to the front because people will walk beyond the first few rows in search of the elusive dual-empty seats. Yes, even if it is totally packed, people will still count on lucking out beyond the front.

If however, the car is rather on the full side, you’re in luck. This is your optimal situation as you are now in control. You have absolute free reign in choosing to sit beside the most attractive and friendly looking person of the opposite gender that you can spot. This is where quick observational skills come in handy. Your seat selection process must, and I repeat must appear to be random. Don’t want to seem desperate now do we? Pacing back and forth between two contenders while contemplating the pros and cons most likely will not go over well.

Before I continue, I must stress that I advise against sitting beside someone sleeping unless the car is near capacity and you have no choice. If the person were to wake up and realize there were tons of other seats available and you still sat beside them, this may lead them to believe you were watching them while sleeping sleep or took advantage of their inability to turn you away when you first sat down. This will register quite high on the creep scale.

The randomness can be reinforced by pretending to not even be interested in that particular seat by approaching the desired seat, putting on a face making it look like you are disappointed in not being able to find dual-empty seats, and finally settling for the seat (coincidentally) next to the desired person.

Also, although it is quite obvious to even the most obtuse observer that the seat is empty, you must ask if the seat is either empty or taken. I must be clear that you can only ask one or the other. Asking “Is this seat empty or taken?” will only make you seem a little odd, as the question must be answered by a combination of a yes and no, regardless of the situation. Another variation is to ask if they mind you sitting there. Of course, they’re forced to say yes but it is a strict formality that you must adhere to. This indicates your politeness, displays your command of the english language(important, if you’re asian[or other ethnic] looking like myself) and plants the seed for future communication.

Once you have mastered these skills you are well on your way to phase two, covered in Part II of this post.